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When my parents separated and subsequently divorced, my siblings and I lived with our mother but we saw and/or spoke with our father frequently since he lived nearby. This was right for us. I have two very dear friends (both guys) who parted ways with their respective wives - one guy had joint custody but the children resided with him, the other had visitation rights which ended abruptly when mother and child moved away for good and telling him only after the fact (he thought they had gone on a brief vacation.) In both cases the one thing that was apparent to those who know both gentlemen is that they were, have been and continue to be the better, more responsible parents!

On one hand many women complain about absent, distant, deadbeat dads, but when fathers turn out to be the more suitable custodial parent, we are critical of mothers who are willing to allow this to happen.

Some mothers are entirely unsuitable in every sense of the word, but I believe that in most cases it is a situation where circumstances dictate that fathers get custody, it doesn't mean that mothers are BAD or SELFISH/IRRESPONSIBLE, it means what it should - that it is best for the child, sometimes neither parent is suitable.

We might all try to reduce the double standards we set ourselves, if women are capable of doing a "man's job," then let men do the "woman's job," let them be Mon and/or Dad - roles that many women have today, whether by accident (death, divorce, abandonment) or design.

— Katie-303920

I share your situation. My ex and I have joint custody of our youngest, but he has primary physical custody. My ex is a college professor and could be home when our son is home. He also had the extra time and means to maintain our large house, something I didn't feel capable of doing. I moved to a smaller house with a smaller yard. I faced the same issues - sometimes quite blatant and sometimes (perhaps) imagined - concerning reactions to our situation. It's assumed that only mothers considered unworthy by the court system give up primary custody of their children. Sometimes, we just understand that it is in the best interests of the child. I work a regular 8:30-5:00 job with a long commute. Living with me, my son would have spent a lot of time alone. And unless I'd insisted on financial support to stay in the house, my son would have had to move.

Five years after the divorce, we continue to have Christmas morning as a family, so no one has to miss out or be alone. My son is almost 16 and has two homes, two rooms and two parents who cooperate to make things as seamless as possible for him. I have him one weeknight and from Friday evening through Sunday morning each week, so he spends time with each of us every week.

— RCCMF

My ex husband, myself and my children were involved in the decision as to who the children would be living with. My children were old enough to understand and make a choice based on facts and what would be best for them. They would be able to stay in the same schools, have the same friends and live in the house they were used to if they stayed with their father. I see my children 3-4 times a week, every week. I have a wonderful relationship with all three of them. I still find that there are people out there who don't look past the fact that they don't live with their mother, as if that is the most important aspect of a childs wellbeing.

— righttwin

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